I did bad on one test, and it seemed all of a sudden my drizzle had turned into a nasty summer storm. I wasn’t even that disappointed in myself, but it was the looks in my professors’ eyes that did me in. And so the monsoon began.
I’ve cried a lot over it. Oh, not the bad grade but how a slip up can show the world your vulnerabilities. Sure, everything else can be going for me, but they worry when they see a wrinkle in the fabric. I felt like they’ve tugged at the pull, and now it’s just getting bigger and bigger. Each time I cry a little more, and it’s getting harder to put it all back together.
I don’t know if this is a blessing or a curse. I’ve realized a lot of people care about me. They’ve reached out with open arms to hug my tired limbs, to give me some reassurance and comfort. They’ve told me things I already knew, like “It will be ok.” and “Grades aren’t all that matter.” So, I don’t know if they’re telling me they’re disappointed or that they understand.
I guess I’m just confused. I want to take on more, but not if it will break me. I’ve survived a lot, but if the floodgates open and the water crashes over me all of a sudden, will I survive?
I have a problem showing my weakness. But I’ve shown a lot of vulnerability lately, and I’m still standing.
So, here’s the deal. I think it’s ok if we come out bruised and beaten as long as we weathered the storm. I know I’ll keep my integrity and determination intact. I’ve encountered some horrible things, but they passed. I’ve also seen such happiness this week in doing service for others, and I’ve seen pride on the faces of those same professors that had me in tears before. In the same week I was downtrodden, I then had success in other endeavors beyond my own belief. So, I’m going to keep going, keep reaching higher. I’m thankful for this life, and I don’t want to waste a moment of it on sappy days.
And remember, even the worst hurricane leaves the shore, the sunshine saps up its remnants,and then rebuilding begins towards a better tomorrow.
17% of cardiac surgeons are women, 17% of tenured professors are women. It just goes on and on. And isn’t that strange that that’s also the percentage of women in crowd scenes in movies? What if we’re actually training people to see that ratio as normal so that when you’re an adult, you don’t notice?
…We just heard a fascinating and disturbing study where they looked at the ratio of men and women in groups. And they found that if there’s 17% women, the men in the group think it’s 50-50. And if there’s 33% women, the men perceive that as there being more women in the room than men.”